A different challenge

This week I'm taking on the Live Below the Line challenge, and will be blogging here:  www.livebelowtheline.com/me/lmcadam

Pipe down

In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.

Dante Alighieri

I guess that, because I am immersed in the world and language of depression I forget that to those who aren't, my honesty is a bit blunt.  However, if it's any consolation I really have reigned it in...My lovely friend put me on to this book, and if you read the free sample you'll find a number of quotes describing people's experience of depression.  They are raw and brutal, and refreshing.

Regardless of whether you feel all this cloud talk is appropriately tempered or not, it's fair to ask why I feel the need to write so publicly about it all.  

I've previously mentioned that being open and honest about mental health adds to the fight against stigma and isolation.  The more people who talk about it, the more people understand it, the more people find hope.

There's a far less worthy reason though.  Control.

For a long time I played the 'I'm fine' game on the assumption that my sadness was boring to everyone else, until I had to bite the bullet and reach out for support.

Opening up means letting go of control, and remember that the depressive lens adds a hint of paranoia to precedings.  So I write like this to make sure I am in control of what is out there, what is known about me.  Even if it's just my paranoia that everyone thinks I'm a waste of space, I'd rather it wasn't based on speculation.

And finally, it's control over my scatty mind.  Writing it, publishing these words says to myself 'see, I'm not too lost.'