Christmas is not about being happy.

My love / hate relationship with Facebook is getting increasingly lopsided.  I love it for the sharing of articles and campaigns I'd never otherwise see, witticisms of my esteemed network and the opportunity to stay connected with people that my dis-organisation in non cyber life would let slip off the radar.

However, and I'm not the first to say it, it is an impeccable device for self harm.  Want to feel like you are boring, less successful and less popular than a load of your peers?  Check out your newsfeed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against the sharing of adventure and happy times and achievements.  But alongside this great stuff, I wonder if we're encouraged to keep up appearances.  Maybe we're tempted to shout about the good stuff to project what we want our life to be, rather than what it is.  And possibly we end up looking for affirmation from anyone who will offer it.  Most importantly what if we're sweeping stuff under the carpet at the expense of tasting a little genuine hope?

Christmas is this incredible clash of well publicised stress and pressure to make some magic.  It is the time we push real life aside and wrap the season up nicely.  Somehow Christmas has become about being tidy and putting on a good show until its all over and the mess takes over.

Yet the first Christmas was far from tidy.  It was all about love breaking into the mess of the world and showing us hope within it.  Quite opposite of sweeping the crap under the carpet, Christmas was about looking straight at it and declaring 'there is more than this'.

If I've learnt anything this year, it's that putting your struggles out there isn't a ticket to getting out of stuff or an excuse to sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself.  But I am holding onto the idea that embracing brokenness is where real hope lies.  It's not found in pretending that everything is fine and together, instead it is in saying 'here's my mess, I am not alone in it.'

Celebrate the great bits of life, absolutely, but not if it means pretending.  Christmas is for the strugglers, the hurting and the messy.  Joy is not found in the neatly wrapped presents and perfect roast potatoes, it's in taking a breath to declare that life is full of broken bits, and in looking for where the light is shining through.

To the other 1 in 4

Time for a slightly less ranty post.  Less fun, but just as necessary.

There are various statistics on mental health issues.  It's estimated that 1 in 4 people in the UK will suffer from a mental health issue each year.  My guess is that a lot of people keep it to themselves and get through it alone, while others need a small army of support just to keep going.

Either way, at least 1 in 4 people must be supporting those who are suffering.  And that can't be easy.

These people are nothing short of heroes.  To watch someone you love feel so awful about themselves, to feel helpless and unsure of how to act from one day to the next; let alone being on the sharp end of someone's moods... it can be just as hard, albeit in a different way, for the supporters as it is for those who are ill.

So for you wonderful, exceptional people hanging in there with the broken, sad and suffering, I made a list;

1.  Thank you for not being put off when you do something hugely generous and you don't seem to see a reaction.  There is one.  Really deep down.  You are so appreciated, please don't think you're not.  Emotional expression is unavailable at the moment.

2. Thank you for not stopping the calls, texts, IMs, emails and such even when no one picks up or answers.  It might feel futile and outright rude, but even seeing your name on the screen says 'I care, I notice you, I'm thinking of you'.

3.  Thank you for not trying to be a fixer.  It's so tempting to come up with a to do list and action plan in the face of someone who isn't thinking clearly.  But sometimes a listening ear is all that's required, and being 'managed' can feel overwhelming.  Thank you for waiting for the right time to take the lead, it's frustrating, but your tolerance is so valued.

4.  Thank you for being patient.  With mood swings, the time it take to do anything, and how long it's taking to see an improvement.  Thank you for not putting on any pressure to get better any more quickly, the feeling of guilt can be so weighty that it's such a help to know you're ok with however long it takes.

5.  Thank you for trying to understand in a meaningful way.  There are no clear cut categories or 'normal' processes, thank you for getting how individual and confusing it can all be.

6. Thank you for acting normally.  Mental health issues make you feel like you're so odd that it's nice to know 'normal' people can stand to be around.  And being treated like a child, a leper or non-English speaker just adds to the feeling of being weird and alone.

7. Thank you for getting how important small steps are without seeing them as silly.  And for being there to help take them.

8.  Thank you for your forgiveness, for all of the above.

Stories

Right through Advent, Christians are revisiting the Holy Scripture, listening again to the words of the prophets in the Old Testament who foretold of some new initiative God would take, listening again to the humble existence of Mary, listening again to the beautiful story of incarnation- the word of God became flesh in Jesus.

Interestingly, the story of Jesus’ birth is only told largely in one of the gospels, Matthew tells us about the Wise men, but Mark and John don’t mention it at all! If Luke hadn’t recorded it, we may never have known what the first Christmas looked like, who was there. Imagine a world without nativity plays!

The richness and security of our cultures across the world depend so much on storytelling - it’s the miracle of dialogue and understanding.

We have our own stories, I’m sure most of our lives have had twists and turns, surprises, ups and downs. They would undoubtedly involve changes in situation and in ourselves. Ideas and opinions will have altered, aspirations may have developed, certainties possibly challenged. As well as the stories of our selves, there are the important stories we would tell - I wonder, if we were to write a gospel now, what it would it be like.

What good news do we have to share? What would be the message we would want to challenge our readers with? How would we want future generations to remember this period of time and all that is happening within it?

The hope that the gospel I will write will speak of a people of love, a global connected community who stood up to injustice, activist and peace makers, the brave outspoken and quiet healers. I’ll write at length of the church as it awoke called to action, stirred by the insults to the Kingdom they saw all around them. I will put in writing the way that freedom came when normal, ordinary people realised that not only did they have the power to be world changers, they had not choice to do otherwise. That’s good news. And it’s half written in our history already as movements of justice and love gain pace.

Stories are being written all around the world. We have our own gospels to write. What will be in yours?

Probably a little out of season now but hey

So, it’s almost here. The Christmas season is upon us accompanied by snow, the decorations are out (and have been since September!) and everywhere there are children preparing for their nativity plays at school and church. The Christmas Story is surely one of the best known in the world and is re-enacted in such beautiful ways every year (despite the baffling additions of fire dancers and cowboys these days in some school productions!). The beauty and tranquillity of that peaceful stable scene in Bethlehem still manages to draw us in and bring a tear to even the wisest old eye.

But I walked the streets of Bethlehem just a couple of weeks ago and, I have to say, the Holy City seemed a million miles away from the sentimental nativity scene we all grew up with. I stood by the huge concrete separation barrier which cuts the area into dead, soulless ghettos, I spoke to inn keepers and shop keepers who are slowly getting back on their feet, I realised that the Wise Men from the East would never have made it to the manger without digging a tunnel…

I was allowed to travel freely throughout the region on my British Passport but I met Palestinian Christians who had never travelled to the holy sites or Jerusalem, just 20 minutes away from their homes in Bethlehem, because they were not permitted through the check points without an expensive permit. I met the refugees who have been waiting, some for over 60 years, to return to their homes. They still have their keys.

And I began to see that Bethlehem today is in fact much closer to the first Christmas than our romantic carols and nativity plays portray. The fact is that Jesus was born a Palestinian Jew under military occupation, the only reason Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem at all that night was because the Roman Empire were reviewing its oppressive tax system and trying to control the masses. His family had to flee as refugees soon after his birth and he grew up watching those in power abuse the weak and dispossess them of their property and their dignity. It was in this harsh reality that Jesus preached and practised non-violent resistance against a ruthless and oppressive empire. He demonstrated the fragility and value of every human being, audaciously crossing the boundaries of states and culture to unite and transform the world he loved. He revealed the character of God by living a life of sacrificial love and he gave his life to that cause…

and that is why we still call it The Holy Land.

Many thanks to Martin Nicholls who often has a hand in the Pause for Thoughts, and this one in particular has his fingerprints all over it!

The thing that should the THE thing

I’m part of an alternative church in Exeter which meets throughout the week and on Friday nights we meet in the Cathedral to open it to the public, provide a safe sacred place and serve whoever comes in, from the homeless to bishops, tourists to our neighbours.
We’re trying to create something which balances building community with being outward looking; and with a team made up of people from such a broad spectrum of life I sometimes struggle to find what we all have in common!
There’s been an interesting phenomenon recently. We have a lot of drifters who come and take what we offer and drop in and out as it meets their needs or lifestyle. However, what we’re seeing of late is the complete opposite – people, of all ages, coming along often by coincidence or accident, and by the end of their first evening they’re helping us tidy up and have joined the team mailing list. I find this baffling, I thought that ‘people these days’ came along to something like church, saw if it met their needs, came for a while, got accepted by the group and eventually got asked to join a rota.
In my church what we have in common is unconditional service. And people want to be part of it. Like so many, they are looking to make a difference yet so few seem to look to the church, maybe because they see that there’s a code of conduct to be signed up to before they can start to be of any use.
I wonder if the church makes the most of advertising what it’s there for. Surely it is the perfect place for people to find something to live for, to be a journeying community of loving servants, and a channel through which we can really make a difference.

I couldn't say it better...

This is the PowerPoint I used today having spoken at Brentwood Baptist Church, the church from whence I came...

Click here (will take you away from this page, do come back...!)

I don't want to be able to email from my phone.

I upgraded my mobile phone recently and realised that I may be older than my years when I said ‘I just want something that calls people and sends texts’. The only ones available to me were all singing all dancing internet accessing music playing calendar diary voice recognition wide screen touch pad gadgets. For the same price I had the choice between a very basic phone which indeed just made calls and texts and was very similar to the one I had nearly ten years ago… or one of the fancier models which quite honestly just looked nicer. I was sucked in by the sexy mini computer phone… and now I can’t work out how to use it.

Technology has changed the way we communicate, work, study and worship. I can see via Facebook what nearly 500 people I’ve met at some point are doing and feeling without even talking to them. Teenagers in Uganda gave me their email and mobile phone numbers to stay in touch when they’d saved up enough shillings for a slot at the town’s internet café. It’s safe to say the world has got a lot smaller, and yet a lot less personal. Can anything really replace face to face contact?

The changing landscape of communication and technology offers us some valuable opportunities to connect with a wider group of people, to be efficient and be creative in new ways. However some of the greatest human achievements have been realised when people stand face to face. We cannot forget, amongst the impersonal connections and faceless cyberworld that we are all created as unique, named individuals with the inbuilt need for relationship. So while modern technology offers a level of networking, we need to work hard to invest in personal relationships which go deeper than a profile picture or status update.
The church is challenged to keep up and adapt to a rapidly changing world. But as well as technology being a great resource we can use, we are already equipped with just the tool for the job. We are good at loving people.

The Secret, part 3

The third part of my secret to involving new and younger people in the church reflects back to a subject I've spoken a lot about this year, and mentioned already in my blog. It is something so important I thought it worthy of another mention.

Worthy because my so-called apathetic generation is looking not for 'nice' or sentimental religion, rather we are looking for something radical, worth living for. We've seen the results of consumerisn all too well, and the emptiness and futility of fame and fortune. We've been burned by the promotion of shallow relationships and found a pick and mix spirituality sometimes lacking. What grabs our attention? A group of people who collectively see the world as it truly is and refuses to keep quiet, a crowd who live lives which take responsibility for themselves and others, with both gentle kindness and stormy prophetic actions take up the challenge to make the world fairer for all regardless of class, ethnicity or faith. So my third point is simply this - Do Love.

And do love well, the kind of love which screams at the policy makers and rages against the structures that keep people poor and oppressed, the kind of love that puts rotas last, and people first. The kind of love personified in Jesus - outrageous earth defying love. If the church professes that God is love then we have both the mandate and the power. And we certainly have no excuse.

The Secret, part 1

I have a fairly unique perspective when it comes to churches; I grew up in a Baptist Church, worked for Pentecostal and United Reformed Churches and with ecumenical, multi-denominational, inter-church networks... in short - I'm denominationally confused.

This does mean that my knowledge of church alongside the fact that I'm in my twenties and of what has been termed an 'apathetic generation' gives me an interesting vantage point. I can't remember how many times I've been told how much people would like new and younger people involved in church and in things like Christian Aid. Recently, I discovered the secret which might just tackle these and other such problems. There are three parts. Here's the first:

Be something that people want to be part of. You know what? The most important issues for new or younger people looking for a spiritual home do not include furniture, flowers - or even whether there's a drumkit. We're looking for community; authentic, loving, inclusive community who accept people because God does and not because they fit, and allows them to challenge life not demand they conform to a certain world view.

And what's more, younger people are flooding through my office door at Christian Aid at the moment and I'm sure that their reasons include this search for a community that is outward looking, accepts them with their flaws ready to help them be part of the action, and practices the love it preaches.

The L Word

I've learnt a thing or two about love in my young years. Mainly that love is not soppy, nor sentimental, not sweet or sickly or nice. Love is a force to be reckoned with, it does not sit back and watch and it promises a fullness of life. Christian Aid is rooted in the Christian gospel and if we believe that Jesus is the most perfect representation of love then the cross is the most loving act in history, setting in motion a powerful and life-changing chain of love.

Love sees others. The Bible tells us that we cannot say we love God but hate those around us - and some scholars have argued that the hate referred to in the New Testament of the Bible isn't rage or bitter hatred, but merely low-level contempt or indifference, working from the Greek root which means 'loveless'. This is an interesting idea because there are many people we neither dearly love not actively hate - just many whose concerns are not ours - whom we simply do not see. But if we say we love God then we can no longer turn away from these people and we are challenged to see them as God does. And once we do, we won't be able to hold back from outrageous, active, powerful love. Love that acts, love that moves, love that can change the world.