Friday, 13 June 2014

To the other 1 in 4


Time for a slightly less ranty post.  Less fun, but just as necessary.

There are various statistics on mental health issues.  It's estimated that 1 in 4 people in the UK will suffer from a mental health issue each year.  My guess is that a lot of people keep it to themselves and get through it alone, while others need a small army of support just to keep going.

Either way, at least 1 in 4 people must be supporting those who are suffering.  And that can't be easy.

These people are nothing short of heroes.  To watch someone you love feel so awful about themselves, to feel helpless and unsure of how to act from one day to the next; let alone being on the sharp end of someone's moods... it can be just as hard, albeit in a different way, for the supporters as it is for those who are ill.

So for you wonderful, exceptional people hanging in there with the broken, sad and suffering, I made a list;

1.  Thank you for not being put off when you do something hugely generous and you don't seem to see a reaction.  There is one.  Really deep down.  You are so appreciated, please don't think you're not.  Emotional expression is unavailable at the moment.

2. Thank you for not stopping the calls, texts, IMs, emails and such even when no one picks up or answers.  It might feel futile and outright rude, but even seeing your name on the screen says 'I care, I notice you, I'm thinking of you'.

3.  Thank you for not trying to be a fixer.  It's so tempting to come up with a to do list and action plan in the face of someone who isn't thinking clearly.  But sometimes a listening ear is all that's required, and being 'managed' can feel overwhelming.  Thank you for waiting for the right time to take the lead, it's frustrating, but your tolerance is so valued.

4.  Thank you for being patient.  With mood swings, the time it take to do anything, and how long it's taking to see an improvement.  Thank you for not putting on any pressure to get better any more quickly, the feeling of guilt can be so weighty that it's such a help to know you're ok with however long it takes.

5.  Thank you for trying to understand in a meaningful way.  There are no clear cut categories or 'normal' processes, thank you for getting how individual and confusing it can all be.

6. Thank you for acting normally.  Mental health issues make you feel like you're so odd that it's nice to know 'normal' people can stand to be around.  And being treated like a child, a leper or non-English speaker just adds to the feeling of being weird and alone.

7. Thank you for getting how important small steps are without seeing them as silly.  And for being there to help take them.

8.  Thank you for your forgiveness, for all of the above.

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