Learning

When I was growing up faith was like an English lesson, absorbing stories whilst the wise pointed out the moral tunes strung through each tale.  There were the victors and conquerors whose side we knew we should follow.  And the losers and the condemned; warnings of a path strayed.  The ABC was emblazoned and truths learned.

I grew to find it was all rather more like learning Maths.  I was old enough to realise I was being taught the basics, confident that if I studied hard I would learn the formulas that would one day open the doors to understanding.  It was all about building the foundations that would take me to enlightenment.

It didn't take long to move on the science, a religious kind, balancing evidence and the as yet undiscovered.  Now for the first time, wiggle room was allowed for a hypothesis to evolve and space made for a range of conclusions.  Faith became a logical, rationalised exploration with truths to uncover.

I think that now, I've graduated onto some kind of art course...  I've joined a discussion that expands even to the far reaches of what art is valid.  I'm intrigued by all the different interpretations of the same piece, Some critics burn with passion about the subject and fear dilution or distraction, they want to teach and protect what they see.  Others feel utter apathy, others still see art all around beyond the boundaries of a gallery or what could be taught in a classroom, while some had such a horrible art teacher once that they shudder at the sight of a paintbrush.  Some fear their opinions won't count, they've been shouted down in the past or shown up.  And there are the people that are utterly ill informed yet seem to be heard loudest.

And what I love is that some things that I looked at a while ago now speak to me when before there was nothing.  That sometimes I crave a simple drawing and at other times I want a complex canvas.  There's always a new way to see, comfort and questions to find.  The discourse with others only shapes and strengthens my own critical thinking, opens my eyes to see more than I could if I were to learn alone.

Fear and padded shorts.

On Sunday I preached on Matthew 16:21-28.  If you've not picked it up from my previous blogs, it's worth knowing that I'm not feeling much at the moment, it's a numb trudging through treacle type time.

When I first approached this text my heart sunk - here we go again, another passage that is interpreted in a number of ways; not all of which are particularly helpful.  There it was ready to thwack me about the head; pick up your cross and carry your burdens.  Some people add 'these things are sent to try us' or 'give everything up because then you'll be rich in heaven'.

Here's what I saw.

Jesus lived a life, and it can't have passed him by that most humans picked up a fair bit of baggage on the way.  Surely Jesus was inviting us burdened folk to pick it all up and come on the journey with him.  Maybe Jesus was essentially saying 'your baggage doesn't exclude you, bring it with you, you can use it, we can find hope within it.'

Blessed are the cracked; for they will let in the light.

I feel like I'm carrying a heavy load at the moment and it makes me want to give up, a lot.  I'm often like a child silently whimpering 'please don't make me go.'  But that load doesn't exclude me from moving forward and interacting with the world around me - not despite the brokenness but through it.

Tomorrow I travel to my childhood home for the last time before my parents leave that side of the country, and embark on simply the hardest thing I've ever attempted.  It sounds so silly in a world of serious stories and conflict, but my 300 mile charity cycle ride is a big deal at this moment in my life.

If I make it to the start line, I will have overcome the anxiety that makes it hard to leave my flat.  If I manage to ride most of the route each day I will have overcome my lack of fitness.  If I do the whole challenge I will be exceeding my own expectations.  But pulling out or giving up is not an option - I won't deal well with letting anyone down or having another failure on my books.

Whatever happens I will be carrying my burdens and my brokenness with me, all the way to Brussels, because they are part of my journey and there is hope within them.

Gethsemane

As I've been planning for Easter activities in town with the churches I've pondered long and hard about all this suffering stuff.  It seems to me that our culture massively celebrates 'strength' in terms of holding it together, not letting things get to you, being a positive person... I guess that means that weakness is falling apart, feeling deeply and sensitively and allowing negativity to have a voice.  However, I have a theory;

It is not despair that makes us weak.  It is denial.

I find Jesus to be a pretty good example (maybe not fashion wise) of how our true humanity can be realised and without wishing to boast, it would appear he backs me up on this.

It was recorded that the night he was arrested, Jesus took his friends to a garden and popped off by himself to have a good rant at God. He was honest and upset, he was scared and he prayed hard for things to be different.

Interestingly Jesus then went back to his pals, and presumably for someone to have written it down Jesus must have told them what he was feeling.

It's sensible to know when and where to let it all out - screaming your heart out in public isn't always a great idea.  Neither is making everything about you and your problems - far from it.  But letting people close to you know where you're at can only be a good thing.  It's vulnerable, and its real.  It gives others a chance to hold you and you some perspective.  Here healing is found.

For me this idea that strength is putting on a good front is nonsense, and it tells people like me that we're weak losers.  We. Are. Not.  It is courageous to let the right people in.  It takes immense bravery to be proactive in overcoming the clouds.  It takes all the strength in the world to nurture hope.

I'm not writing this and patting myself on the back.  But I am going to stop telling myself I'm rubbish when I break down, when I fall apart.  It's in my human nature to be that way.  I'm strong enough to admit it.

Saturday 11th January 2014

I've been a bit unwell and stuck in bed catching up on subtitled US TV so despite being thrilled at taking one step further to fulfilling my ambition of being ill on every continent, I was determined to get out and get some sightseeing done.

I pootled off in a different direction today, to the posh part of town -La Candelaria.  The thunder rumbled as I took my jumper off, I had the pavement mostly to myself as locals hid in shops with each sporadic rain shower.  To be fair if the food I've eaten is anything to go by they might be made of sugar and salt so fair enough.  My tour of Bogota churches continued with some closed ones...  

And then opposite the Presidential palace, a rather unremarkable building holds inside it the most extravagant church so far.  Unsurprisingly considering the location, even the Christmas decorations (still up in all the churches... I need to investigate the significance of that) were a departure from the flashing green and blue lights and red and pink tinsel I've seen elsewhere.  No shop mannequins in the nativity scene here, not a white Joseph with drawn on goatee in sight.  Here, the nativity scene moves...

Down the road, past the soggy guards protecting the political royalty of the city, through the smaller roads of independent traders and tiny cafes I walked past an open door with a smiling woman standing on duty.  The language is different but something is oh so familiar; I've hit the church tourist's jackpot.  Here was the Saturday afternoon service of some sort of mission church, pentecostal I would guess and as I ducked into the (empty) back rows I took in the universal uber Christian body language (sorry for the covert photo, turns out I don't feel comfortable intruding on people worshipping).  I left after 15 minutes of congratulating the Lord with applause.

Off back into the shopping centre, through a whole road dedicated to army and police accessories - I saw an 18 month old kitted out in camouflage... another road for electrical goods, a mall with racks and racks of cheap clothing (sadly I've not purchased any clothes, I'm not sure Colombian fashion is transferable to Devon and I don't think I can pull off too much mesh and studs. 80's patterned leggings, maybe...)  Under the main road to the main bus and train station and I'm reminded that to discover how far apart the rich and poor are, just cross the road.

As the sun won through the clouds I checked out a high catholic church - no cameras allowed, for their sung mass and finally popped back into the Cathedral.  

I love experiencing the worship habits of the community, it gives so much more of an insight into the culture that underpins life here.  Other than the Cathedral which is a bit vast, empty and lifeless, I've been delighted at how authentically spiritual and unlike museums or tourist attractions the churches I've been in feel despite their city centre location.  I may not be into the graphic depictions of the crucifixion and yeah I'm a feminist but not in a hailing Mary way (though power to her, natch).  But there's something familiar in all the different flavours; high catholic (sung liturgy, incense, no cameras), charismatic (keyboard and worship band, warehouse) or mid range (funny priests - I think, guitar worship in an upbeat hispanic style) I've felt most at home in the pews here.  And some of it makes more sense in Spanish.

Stories

Right through Advent, Christians are revisiting the Holy Scripture, listening again to the words of the prophets in the Old Testament who foretold of some new initiative God would take, listening again to the humble existence of Mary, listening again to the beautiful story of incarnation- the word of God became flesh in Jesus.

Interestingly, the story of Jesus’ birth is only told largely in one of the gospels, Matthew tells us about the Wise men, but Mark and John don’t mention it at all! If Luke hadn’t recorded it, we may never have known what the first Christmas looked like, who was there. Imagine a world without nativity plays!

The richness and security of our cultures across the world depend so much on storytelling - it’s the miracle of dialogue and understanding.

We have our own stories, I’m sure most of our lives have had twists and turns, surprises, ups and downs. They would undoubtedly involve changes in situation and in ourselves. Ideas and opinions will have altered, aspirations may have developed, certainties possibly challenged. As well as the stories of our selves, there are the important stories we would tell - I wonder, if we were to write a gospel now, what it would it be like.

What good news do we have to share? What would be the message we would want to challenge our readers with? How would we want future generations to remember this period of time and all that is happening within it?

The hope that the gospel I will write will speak of a people of love, a global connected community who stood up to injustice, activist and peace makers, the brave outspoken and quiet healers. I’ll write at length of the church as it awoke called to action, stirred by the insults to the Kingdom they saw all around them. I will put in writing the way that freedom came when normal, ordinary people realised that not only did they have the power to be world changers, they had not choice to do otherwise. That’s good news. And it’s half written in our history already as movements of justice and love gain pace.

Stories are being written all around the world. We have our own gospels to write. What will be in yours?

Risky Church

It’s a tricky thing, working with churches sometimes. I work alongside and in partnership with churches and faith groups from across the spectrum of culture and tradition. I love that there are as many things in common as there are differences – people always fill from the back row, there will always be one person in charge of 27 rotas and committees and usually dashing round after the service to catch up with people and rope in a few others. There’s one common element that I find that concerns me though. We don’t like to be too offensive. We as churches often find ourselves catering for the lowest common denominator so that we risk as little as possible. We chose our battles carefully, with a look over our shoulder to make sure we’re not alone and tentatively we tiptoe our way out into the world to gently try and change it.

And yet the history we have, the mandate we have, the example we have in Jesus and his disciples ... the church should be leading the way in standing against injustice, and seeking the Kingdom and being the most relevant institution there is! Yet, try and engage some churches in being a little reckless for the sake of the oppressed, and stick their head out of the bunker on behalf of truth, and tip over the tables of temple in the search for justice... Hmmm! People in our communities are looking for purpose, for a cause which carries a little more weight than who wins X-Factor, for a way to contribute to a better world for our children and grandchildren.

We have dozens of opportunities to do it, to be relevant, to be people who change the world! We did it and ended the legality of the slave trade, we did it and ended apartheid in South Africa. Now we need to once again open our eyes to the harsh realities this world faces and get vocal. Think of the rewards for our world and our church – now let’s take the risks.

The thing that should the THE thing

I’m part of an alternative church in Exeter which meets throughout the week and on Friday nights we meet in the Cathedral to open it to the public, provide a safe sacred place and serve whoever comes in, from the homeless to bishops, tourists to our neighbours.
We’re trying to create something which balances building community with being outward looking; and with a team made up of people from such a broad spectrum of life I sometimes struggle to find what we all have in common!
There’s been an interesting phenomenon recently. We have a lot of drifters who come and take what we offer and drop in and out as it meets their needs or lifestyle. However, what we’re seeing of late is the complete opposite – people, of all ages, coming along often by coincidence or accident, and by the end of their first evening they’re helping us tidy up and have joined the team mailing list. I find this baffling, I thought that ‘people these days’ came along to something like church, saw if it met their needs, came for a while, got accepted by the group and eventually got asked to join a rota.
In my church what we have in common is unconditional service. And people want to be part of it. Like so many, they are looking to make a difference yet so few seem to look to the church, maybe because they see that there’s a code of conduct to be signed up to before they can start to be of any use.
I wonder if the church makes the most of advertising what it’s there for. Surely it is the perfect place for people to find something to live for, to be a journeying community of loving servants, and a channel through which we can really make a difference.

Improvement eclipsed by numbers

I read something this week talking about the surprise a particular writer finds each time she observes a community acting like they ‘still believe in each other and their possibilities’. That phrase hit home with me. I get accused every so often of being an idealist, even a bit naïve. Actually I take it as a compliment and a challenge! It is sad that optimism and belief in people comes as such a surprise, and I have to confess that even with my naïve idealism I have been guilty of writing people off or sometimes possessing an unhealthy amount of cynicism.

In the same magazine I read another article about the history of economic progress and came across the idea that ‘improvement has been eclipsed by numbers’. For example, what society once strived for was a better standard of life for people, and some would argue that this has become an exercise in reaching higher targets, accumulating more wealth and shrinking human experience and need into statistics.

These two phrases – believing in each other and human possibilities, alongside the idea that improvement has been eclipsed by numbers led me to think about the church. (I need to get out more.)

The Christian church teaches that people are full of potential and that as community we can open up endless opportunities, we can do big things and be loving world changing people. Yet in our heartfelt need to keep our traditions alive we’ve been occasionally guilty of striving for numbers rather than putting our focus on improving the way we engage with the Kingdom of God and the people made in His image.

God doesn’t need us to package Him inoffensively, give him a gloss and market him strategically. I truly believe becoming Kingdom focussed involves equipping each other to serve and stand up for those who are left out in the cold. I don’t think we need to worry too much about that putting people off!

I have seen how churches who have chosen to be outward looking first have found that with such a prophetic calling their congregations have been set alight to realise countless possibilities. And it’s hard to ignore that people with a purpose attract people. I wonder if it’s time we just get on with loving each other...

I couldn't say it better...

This is the PowerPoint I used today having spoken at Brentwood Baptist Church, the church from whence I came...

Click here (will take you away from this page, do come back...!)

Live

So, what are you looking for? Happiness maybe? Relationships, respect, security?
It seems perfectly reasonable that we would search for such things and others, we understand that we have the right to live as whole human beings. Through my work and personal encounters I know that there are many people not even close to ticking off their list anything they are looking for. For the majority of the world, the poorest on our earth – they are ‘just’ about living.
Let me narrow the question – What are you looking for in church? Are your answers the same? And how are your needs met? My experience with churches suggests that for most people, including clergy, we’re not quite hitting the mark. For some churches and for many Christians, well - it sometimes feels like we are ‘just’ about getting by.
So here’s a thought, how about we all embark on just living. Living justly. It’s when we look beyond ourselves, as churches, as Christians, as human beings, that we start to embrace what this life has to offer us and each and every person on this planet. Justice should be a core part of what we do and who we are – not an add on extra once the church roof is fixed…!
Christian Aid allows us to live out our values in an astounding way; to visibly embark on just living through our prayers, actions, collections, events and support as we stand alongside those tackling poverty and injustice around the world. Everything we do for Christian Aid joins with a movement that is tackling the root causes of poverty and helping people of all faiths and backgrounds help themselves to a better life.
Let’s not just live. Let’s live justly.

Messiness

I grew up in the church and was a youth worker in various churches and denominations. I had a pretty tidy view of God; there were the answers I’d learnt mainly in Sunday School and Youth Group, and anything I couldn’t grasp I put down to my youth. Tidy.

The thing is that through my travels around the world and my work, I’ve been exposed to seeing the world as it is – a world of pain and suffering and struggle. So my once neat and tidy image of God no longer fits. Where is my God of love who saves us, where’s my gentle Jesus meek and mild? Now my image of God has no neat lines or easy answers. It is an image that challenges me and fills my world with more questions than I have answers. Messy.

Maybe it’s just my awkward character, but I’ve come to quite like that God isn’t that easy to put in a box. I like that my messy God understands my messy spirituality, which seems to reflect a messy world. But this untidy God hasn’t left us without any idea of how we should be. In the early 20th century George McLeod wrote this:

“I simply argue that the cross be raised again at the centre of the market place as well as on the steeple of the church. I am recovering the claim that Jesus was not crucified in a cathedral between two candles, but on a cross between two thieves, on the town garbage heap, at a crossroads so cosmopolitan that they had to write his title in Hebrew, Latin and Greek. It was the kind of place where cynics talk smut, thieves curse, and soldiers gamble. That’s where he died. And that’s where Christians ought to be and what Christians ought to be about.”
That quote reminds me that if we shy away from the frontline, if we’re too comfortable, we become ineffective. Being tidy about our faith and our mission might well be the easy option, but it’s when we get messy that we start getting the job done.

Fresh Expressions

This week I got back to blogging, but not on my blog...

Fresh Expressions Share the Guide Guest Blog

I don't want to be able to email from my phone.

I upgraded my mobile phone recently and realised that I may be older than my years when I said ‘I just want something that calls people and sends texts’. The only ones available to me were all singing all dancing internet accessing music playing calendar diary voice recognition wide screen touch pad gadgets. For the same price I had the choice between a very basic phone which indeed just made calls and texts and was very similar to the one I had nearly ten years ago… or one of the fancier models which quite honestly just looked nicer. I was sucked in by the sexy mini computer phone… and now I can’t work out how to use it.

Technology has changed the way we communicate, work, study and worship. I can see via Facebook what nearly 500 people I’ve met at some point are doing and feeling without even talking to them. Teenagers in Uganda gave me their email and mobile phone numbers to stay in touch when they’d saved up enough shillings for a slot at the town’s internet café. It’s safe to say the world has got a lot smaller, and yet a lot less personal. Can anything really replace face to face contact?

The changing landscape of communication and technology offers us some valuable opportunities to connect with a wider group of people, to be efficient and be creative in new ways. However some of the greatest human achievements have been realised when people stand face to face. We cannot forget, amongst the impersonal connections and faceless cyberworld that we are all created as unique, named individuals with the inbuilt need for relationship. So while modern technology offers a level of networking, we need to work hard to invest in personal relationships which go deeper than a profile picture or status update.
The church is challenged to keep up and adapt to a rapidly changing world. But as well as technology being a great resource we can use, we are already equipped with just the tool for the job. We are good at loving people.

My note to churches

If I had a pound for every time I heard how hard it was to interest younger people in the church I would go a long way to helping the country through the recession...!

I am in my twenties, and part of an 'apathetic generation' so I'm told. My advice to those who ask for it is this; people want something to live for. We've seen consumerism bring us down, we've learnt the lessons of materialism, and we've seen generations before us search for enlightenment. What is bringing a crowd of young new volunteers from outside the church to my office wanting to get involved is more that just the need to add to a CV. It's the profound dissatisfaction with the world as it is, and the burning desire to do something to be part of the solution - whatever the cost.

My message to churches in particular is this - the church that looks outwards, gives sacrificially and seeks the Kingdom first... grows. Christian Aid allows us to act ecumenically, be practical about unity and bring the Kingdom of God to the here and now, 'out there' beyond our church walls. It puts the poorest and most vulnerable to the top of our agenda not as an optional extra but as the heart and soul of the church and the community. It puts flesh on the gospel and love - radical, outraged love, into action. That's the kind of movement me and my 'apathetic' friends would want to join!

The Things We Put Up With

I have a terrible condition. I can not eat cheese. I'm lactose intolerant.

The thing is, I've always been proud of not being a fussy eater and I resent that I have to ask for special treatment if I am invited for meals, so I tend to stay quiet and enjoy the rare treat (which is certainly not a treat after about an hour). I had a meal with a family and had all three courses all packed with dairy, and I spent the afternoon very very quietly before being able to see straight enough to drive home! I'd much rather not make a fuss, even though it harms me and I'm told that long term it's really not sensible to keep 'cheating'.

The Lugbara people in Uganda have a saying; 'Peace at all costs'. The thought of causing offence is enough for them to never confront or question, and my parents faced this during their time as teachers in Arua. Suggesting improvements, asking why the current systems are in place, questioning statements which are actually wrong... some of the perils of Lugbaran management. And here lies one reason why many of the structures in place have barely changed since their introduction, why interaction with the global community still leaves Uganda on the back foot and why everything happens so very slowly!

This isn't simply a topic relevant to Uganda, I've faced it this week in Nightchurch. The choice is to stay quiet and go with the flow, enjoying the peace but suffering later, or to cause a fuss, risk offence and work to keep healthy.

Easier said than done? I do really like cheese...

Church

.. at the school, they were overwhelmingly welcoming and the singing raised the roof!

The Secret, part 3

The third part of my secret to involving new and younger people in the church reflects back to a subject I've spoken a lot about this year, and mentioned already in my blog. It is something so important I thought it worthy of another mention.

Worthy because my so-called apathetic generation is looking not for 'nice' or sentimental religion, rather we are looking for something radical, worth living for. We've seen the results of consumerisn all too well, and the emptiness and futility of fame and fortune. We've been burned by the promotion of shallow relationships and found a pick and mix spirituality sometimes lacking. What grabs our attention? A group of people who collectively see the world as it truly is and refuses to keep quiet, a crowd who live lives which take responsibility for themselves and others, with both gentle kindness and stormy prophetic actions take up the challenge to make the world fairer for all regardless of class, ethnicity or faith. So my third point is simply this - Do Love.

And do love well, the kind of love which screams at the policy makers and rages against the structures that keep people poor and oppressed, the kind of love that puts rotas last, and people first. The kind of love personified in Jesus - outrageous earth defying love. If the church professes that God is love then we have both the mandate and the power. And we certainly have no excuse.

The Secret, part 2

So, my secret formula for attracting new and younger people into the church. The first of my three points (I grew up Baptist after all) was the challenge to be something that people want to be part of, an authentic community.

Here's number two: do something that people want to do. It may sound obvious but you'd be amazed at how many struggling groups and churches i talk to and ask them why they do the things they do, and the answer is simply - 'because we always have...'.
Don't get me wrong, if something is proving worthwhile and hitting its potential then, fantastic. But in my experience people are craving some refreshment and so there are some hard questions to be asked. For example; 'If you weren't already involved, would you go to the activities you organise?' and 'What would you look forward to?, also 'Why don't you invite your friends and neighbours along?'.

Just as an aside, if you want to involve people like me (which you may not want to of course) then do everything around food.

I wonder why more and more younger people from outside the church are getting involved with Christian Aid activities? Maybe one reason is because they can see that what we do is worthwhie, with funds and awareness raising benefitting some of the poorest communities around the world. But another reason could well be that many of our events (like our pub quizzes, Quiz Aid) use a format people are comfortable with and don't require that they'll have to go near a church building!

I may be time for us to take a hard look at what we do and challenge ourselves out of our comfort zones and into those belonging to the people outside the walls of the church.

The Secret, part 1

I have a fairly unique perspective when it comes to churches; I grew up in a Baptist Church, worked for Pentecostal and United Reformed Churches and with ecumenical, multi-denominational, inter-church networks... in short - I'm denominationally confused.

This does mean that my knowledge of church alongside the fact that I'm in my twenties and of what has been termed an 'apathetic generation' gives me an interesting vantage point. I can't remember how many times I've been told how much people would like new and younger people involved in church and in things like Christian Aid. Recently, I discovered the secret which might just tackle these and other such problems. There are three parts. Here's the first:

Be something that people want to be part of. You know what? The most important issues for new or younger people looking for a spiritual home do not include furniture, flowers - or even whether there's a drumkit. We're looking for community; authentic, loving, inclusive community who accept people because God does and not because they fit, and allows them to challenge life not demand they conform to a certain world view.

And what's more, younger people are flooding through my office door at Christian Aid at the moment and I'm sure that their reasons include this search for a community that is outward looking, accepts them with their flaws ready to help them be part of the action, and practices the love it preaches.

Patience Rewarded

So, I found myself a few weeks ago asking the Archbishop Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams, whether he minded if I asked him if he ever got mistaken for Dumbledore (from Harry Potter) in front of a full Exeter Cathedral. The answer, no problem but more often it's Gandalf...

It was a big youth event at the Cathedral as part of the diocese's 1100 birthday celebrations, and I can't say I was too keen at the idea of sitting on a sofa with the AB of C (yes I asked him and he said I could call him whatever I felt comfortable with) amongst a load of kids playing guitar hero, enjoying the bouncy castles and sumo wrestling and waiting for us to get out of the way so the next rock band could perform. I wondered if he might be a little... out of place.

But any nerves were quickly dispatched after this, the senior bishop of the worldwide Anglican Communion, having heard we were running behind after some youngsters wanted prayer quipped 'gosh prayer does get in the way sometimes doesn't it'. The Archbish and me? Yeah we got on.


He's a humble man, no big presence unless he is in full swing doing his bishopy thing. Totally approachable. I'm a bit smitten with him to be honest...
On stage I asked him all sorts, why he was wearing a dress, why the church spent so much money on buildings, where he stands on gay marriage, denominations and world religions, his favourite parts of his job, what keeps him up at night... we covered a lot of ground and fair play to him - he gave clear, intelligent but audience appropriate answers. I wanted to press him for more depth but I was all too aware of the bunch of kids sitting on the cold cathedral floor so I kept it light. I wanted him to give more on the questions of why someone should be a Christian, why the church is in decline and why young people aren't engaging in the faith. But that would have been my agenda, and that wouldn't have been appropriate.

My final question: 'Now that Michael Jackson has passed away, are YOU the new king of pop?'

I think David Dimbleby is safe for now.



p.s. His answer 'Probably not, but then God is full of surprises!' So, watch this space...