Provoked a response much?

I'd like to give my last post some context and explanation, particularly for those who fear I'm having a panicked meltdown...

I'm not panicked. I'm quietly unsettled. There are a few reasons why.

When I was 12 I stopped going to school, and never really went back. I didn't know it til years after I recovered, but I had ME (also know as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). How I managed to get some qualification and get where I am today is another story, the point I'm making here is that for about 5 years I could barely do anything, hardly take part in life and was fearfully aware that I might never get better. The life I pictured for myself drifted between 'the plan' (see previous post), and weeks spent in bed as an observer to the real world.

Today I don't take much for granted - or at least I try not to. I have to be a little careful and I know when my body and mind has had enough, and I have bad days occasionally. But all in all, I have it bloody good.

So, there is certainly an element of making up for lost time, and making the most of every bit of time I have to come.

There is another reason though.

I've seen some outrageous stuff, and heard some appalling stories. I can't sit still. I can't.

Not only is my life privileged, but I am unsettled because my soul has been shaken with anger and sadness. Time is a privilege, as is having the multitude of choices before me. Life is precious and I want to live mine with gratitude and to its fullest. My soul is determined there is a better world up for grabs and surely choosing to be part of building it is what truly makes you alive?

I am hard on myself - and that's something I concede that I need to work on.

But don't expect me to 'chill out' anytime soon. I will search for some peace and rest, and some balance even. But my soul will continue to be unsettled.