Adapt or Cry

Trying to put people into nice neat categories is more often than not, pointless.  We're far too complicated.  However as I've read more about the very well used extraversion–introversion personality theory (Carl Jung) the more I find I make sense.  (These kinds of things count as research; myths, retort.)  As much as I've always known that I am an introvert, I've not considered it too significant.  Until now.

You see, for as long as I've been able to be so analytical, I've always assumed I'm odd.  I've used a lot of energy trying to change the bits of me that don't fit in with society.  I've never been normal and I've got frustrated with the parts of my personality which make being normal so hard.  

Depression just makes these parts of me more prominent, undoes the good work I've done overcoming my brokenness.  Making me ever more weird.

Ahhh normal.  That lovely word that sets the bar for us all to maintain.  The media helpfully make sure we know what is acceptable these days, and we celebrate all the good traits like being sociable, outgoing, funny, with many friends, life and soul, confident...  Let's be honest, the wallflowers are never the heroes until they start to behave in the normal way.

I reckon there's a spectrum, a scale.  And I imagine many people exist somewhere in the middle, despite their leanings one way or another, in the wide band marked 'normal'.  But those of us at the ends, the heavyweight extros and intros, we have to make ourselves fit.  We are made to feel wrong.  And excuse me if I offend, but I think the world is slightly more biased towards extroverts...

Having looked at the traits associated with introversion I have realised, with quite the lightning-bolt, that I am not broken.  I'm just me.  And I'm not the only one, there are loads of us working hard to change ourselves, spending our lives pretending.  And I bet we are the ones susceptible to exhaustion, depression and break downs.  

It's exhausting trying to be someone you're not.

I have made the mistake of mixing depression up with who I am, resenting the parts of me I should be embracing.  There are things I have picked up on the journey that could do with undoing.  And we all have to adapt; but adapting is very different from pretending.   I just don't want to feel so resentful of things about me I probably can't change.  Hopefully a nice dose of self awareness will help me understand how to healthily adapt where necessary and be comfortable with my actual proper self.

We have to celebrate things which make us different.  In fact, I'm sure that I don't really want to be 'normal'.  So how about all of us pretenders stop exhausting ourselves and remind ourselves that we are great.  All along the spectrum, we rock.