A reply

Ah the feedback I was waiting for.  I wasn't fishing for it, but I would be lying if I didn't say I was braced.

Bizarrely my blog has spread beyond my own networks, which is lovely if a little strange.  I've been receiving thoughts every so often from all sorts of people, and I'm very grateful and humbled.  This one I relish because it gives me the opportunity to offer my opinions on a couple of things.  And I love sharing my opinions nearly as much as I love a list.  Here it is, enjoy...;


'I know I don't know you, and I don't want to offend you.  But I read your blog and it made me feel very uncomfortable'

You. Are. Welcome.

'On one hand I applaud your attempts to be honest and encourage people in similar situations.  But I think that this kind of sharing should be done in private not over the internet.  I think that it encourages people to celebrate how hard their life is rather than working to get back to normal.  It's very clearly a way of attention seeking which is indulgent.'  

I think I'll ponder on your use of the term 'normal'.  I do know I plan never to get back to it though.  Sounds dull.  I plan to sail through to 'slightly eccentric with a hint of special'.

'It sounds like you are turning your situation into a badge of honour.  Lots of people do this and prefer to stay miserable rather than turn there life around.  In fact some people choose it.'

You meant 'their'.

'You also wright about how you are a woman of faith.'

write.

'Yet you do not mention prayer as a way , THE way, of getting better.  It is GOD who heals us and can free us from our bondage.'

Sounds racy.

'I think the best thing you should do is find a spiritual director, which you CLEARLY do not have, and petition GOD for his PEACE to flood your heart.  Looking to your OWN strength is what has brought you to your knees, and on your knees you will find healing in God's love.  

PLEASE don't encourage people to look to themselves when as a CHRISTIAN you should always be pointing to God.  I hope you have some Christian friends who can be a support instead of anonymous readers on the internet.

Shouty.

I wish you well for the future.'

I'm not sure about the morality of reproducing this on my blog.  But then, reading about a stranger suffering from depression and deciding to write to them with some criticism feels just as morally dubious.  So... forgive me. I'll deal with any guilt if and when it comes.

Ok.  I wrote a reply, then deleted it and wrote this one;

'Thank you very much for taking the time to write to me, you clearly felt strongly and I applaud you for acting on your scruples.  I don't want to make any assumptions about your experiences, your faith or your own situation.  I only have what you have written and it would be unfair to make a judgement, don't you think?

I hope I'd made it clear that I'm not an expert nor am I trying to dish out advice.  My blog is just a collection of my thoughts to share with my friends and anyone else who is interested.  But I'm happy to offer my opinions on your message. Delighted, in fact.

I agree that attention seeking is indulgent.  However, you have got me wrong and I'm glad to have the opportunity to say a bit more.  Firstly, I'm quite the introvert.  I don't want much attention at all, I'd quite like to be left alone.  But I realised that repression and folding into myself was not doing me any good; even someone naturally aloof needs relationships.  So the blog is a safe place for me, I can share and think out loud and make connections without crying in anyone's face -which in my opinion, still might not be attention seeking.  It might just be being honest.

I don't encourage the 'celebration' of  hardship at all, it is rather impossible to celebrate anything when you're depressed.  Believe me if I could do a jig every time I had a panic attack at the thought of leaving my flat than I would.  I'm half Irish so it would be a fabulous sight.  Apart from the dry heaving.

Instead I feel that sharing struggles actually defuses them. The more we can take the shame and secrecy away from mental illness the more we will find strength, community and hope.  As for sharing on the Internet, well everyone's doing it. I just wanted to be cool.

I believe that there are people who do not want to work their way into a healthier more stable way of being.  Somehow the sadness becomes a safety blanket.  However I don't think this is a sign of someone who has chosen to be lazy and grumpy.  I think that if someone prefers to be sad rather than seek an alternative then they have another set of problems weighing on them.  In which case they need more understanding and support than ever.

The idea that you can 'choose' to be depressed is outright ignorant - apologies, I don't mean to offend.  It is an illness, just like physical ones.  You need help, time and to be treated as an individual to get better.  And of course, some people have the kind of illness that doesn't get better, instead it just gets managed.

In the office of the Church of North India, Delhi,
by John Stott

It is wonderful for you that you have such a clear understanding of your beliefs and what God does and doesn't do.  It frustrates me that I'm tempted to justify my faith when in fact, it does not need justifying.  But please don't worry.  I have friends who are being answers to any prayer that might be prayed.

What I will say though, is that I think that I do point people to God.  God is love after all. When I encourage people to not be ashamed of their struggles, to find trusted friends to hold them up, to serve even when it is difficult.  Ok, I'm not quoting scripture on my blog.  But I do reflect the gospel - the gospel that promotes nurturing relationships that love sacrificially, without prejudice or agenda.  Oh, and yes I look to what God has given me too rather than waiting for an unlikely caped superhero to swoop in.  After all, I'm flipping awesome.

Thanks for your thoughts and I wish you well.'