I'm jealous of my dog. Seriously.

Does anyone else look at their dog and wish with all their heart they could swap places?  Really, not flippantly, but with utter envy and wholehearted regret that it cannot be.  If only I believed that somehow I could be reincarnated I truly think that I would put my energies into positioning my soul into the right place for a puppy rebirth.

Ok, this has got a bit weird.  And I wish I could say I was overstating the truth but the fact is, I often look at Mabel and know I would give an awful lot to have such a joyful life.  Yes it's shorter than the average (Western) human's but it's lived with such gusto.  I wouldn't mind running into a few glass doors and accidentally drinking the odd spilled pool of vinegar (she is a bit of a twit) if it meant I could find utter fulfillment in a tummy tickle or a moving ball.  And gosh, how she loves people.  Unconditionally, without limit, judgement or memory.

Clearly, to live like this requires you to be dimmer than a darkened room in a long lost cave... but as Mabel demonstrates; ignorance is sometimes bliss.

So here I am again, resigned to my dismal fate of not being a dog.  I have a brain that over-thinks and is often a bit wonky (medical term there).  I feel burdened, restless and reluctant most of my waking hours.  And as for people... well most seem ok I guess.  But I'm not gonna lick their faces.

For me it is not second nature, or first for that matter, to enjoy things or throw caution to the wind.  Unlike Mabel, I more than look where I am going and wonder if I have the energy to chase anything at all.  I am preoccupied by purpose, possessed by the search for meaning and anxious to not fall off anything - metaphorically or literally.

Mabel's had her fair share of accidents, cuts and bruises.  And does it slow her down?  If only... And yes, she doesn't have to pay bills, concern herself with climate change or worry about her health.  But I've said it before and I declare it again; I want to be More Mabel.

I went surfing for the first time this weekend and got a glimpse of what Mabelness might feel like.  I took on those waves, determined to get through them to reach a decent depth to catch a wave.  However many times they pushed me backwards and slapped me about I kept pushing through them.  I lollopped onto the board on my stomach regardless of how clumsy I felt, I attempted to stand up even though I knew I'd probably fall straight off.  I risked being chucked off more than I risked missing a good wave.  I kept going.  Because it was really fun.

I don't do many things in life just for the sake of it, I'm a bit too thinky perhaps.  I do things because they need to be done and even the things I want to do are probably because I've put them on a list as part of a strategy to be a more fulfilled, interesting person.  But I don't chase balls for absolutely no reason other that because I like it (definitely metaphorical).

Every time I envy Mabel sleeping contentedly without a care in the world or running like a loon up and down the stairs just cos she likes it, I'm going to do something that doesn't matter.  Might be go for a pointless walk.  Or put on a nice outfit for no reason.  It might be to bake a cake for no one or write someone a card just because.  It might be to join Mabel on the floor and see if I can work out what is so fascinating about licking the rug (it probably won't include that one actually).  Who knows.  It doesn't matter.  Not everything has to.