Scared I may not recognise what I see
I force myself to stand at the mirror
To look for where I might have gone
Some sign deep beneath reaching up
It has been so long since I knew who owned my body
Controlled the gates so often shut
Determined the colour of words that fall
From my bitten battered lips
My skin, dented from clenched fingers
Crawls as stifling air swirls
I am here somewhere but not present
Abdication has left incoherent trails
It seems I have abandoned this ship
Left bobbing in turbulent waters
Watching with waived will
As life passes through this sinking vessel
It is not clear whether I can or will come back
The point of no return jumps forward and behind
Hot tears mingle on unfamiliar cheeks
I wait for a final gasp as I go under
My breath fills my retching chest
Eyes too tired from being forced open
A tiny flicker catches my soul’s gaze
I am here in this, longing to start again
Scared I may not recognise what I see
I force myself to stand at the mirror
To look for where I might have gone
Ready to bring her back to liberation
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