Dear me. Come back. Please.

A few months ago, at the height of my bucket list making, I challenged my dad to take on a cycle ride for charity and to up the stakes I said I'd do it with him.  Neither of us have ever been outdoors or sporty people, yes dad had a brief mountain biking period and used to play squash every Friday (which in my earlier years I honestly thought meant seeing how many glasses of squash he could down) and I've had fits and spurts of gym going.  Nevertheless you could confidently assume we were unlikely candidates for a tough cycle escapade.

To my utter astonishment (and his) dad has surpassed all expectations and with less than a month to go has followed the testing training timetable even getting up at 6am to get a ride in before work.  Honestly, he's become quite the cycling geek.  I'm really very proud of him.

I, on the other hand, am a different story.  I already had my spin classes on the go and a bike ready to borrow, routes planned out for the first few weeks at least.  But with work and other commitments, rain and heat... well ... my will power went on holiday without me.  I did go to some spin classes.  Each day I made the determined pledge that tomorrow I will get to the training proper.  I just couldn't seem to face it, motivation to do anything - even things I might enjoy - has been severely lacking.

Someone said to me 'you'll do it; you're the girl that trekked part of the Jurassic coast a week after a hospital stay, you hiked in the Sahara without any training, you're the kind of person who rises to challenges...'

That was certainly the girl that suggested this ride.  But as time has passed and I've found it really hard to get into gear, I've had to concede, that girl's not here right now.  

It is an uphill battle to get up and do normal life at the moment. Adding 100 miles a week on a bike...?

I did do a little bit of 'training' in 40C heat in Vietnam

So this is where I am at:

Last weekend I had a good hit of strength and motivation, got a new bike and went for a long ride with my dad. I felt good; I felt that the challenge was going to be good for me and that I might just do it.

A couple of hours ago I got up from a migraine that started three days ago.

To say that I'm bruised and worn down is an understatement.  'That girl' is no where to be seen.

I don't know how this chapter will end.  Whether it will be a story of triumph over adversity, or another failure.  I don't know if the determined, stubborn me will come back just in the nick of time, or whether she'll remain in hiding.  I don't know whether we'll raise enough money, whether we'll enjoy it or whether I will even be able to get out of bed to get to the start line.

If anyone sees the real me around, tell her I could really do with her help...


p.s. if anyone does want to sponsor us go to www.justgiving.com/mcadamcycle - thank you