I feel useless

I received a lovely message from someone this week which used the phrase 'I feel useless' no less than 7 times.  Having read my blog, she wanted to write in empathy and support saying that in the midst of her clouds she knows she is unable to help others as she knows she should, and this feeds the feeling of worthlessness.

It got me thinking.  As much as I may want to embrace the dark times instead of writing them off, denying their existence in my history, the truth is that a lot of the time it's hard enough to look after myself let alone reach out to others.  It's a frustrating reality that depression makes you inward looking, peeking out into the world only to find things to wallop you over the head with.

It's not only those who are low that find it hard to be useful in our world.  Strong introverts, those with energy and pain fueled illnesses, agoraphobics and people who are just darned shy struggle to find their place in a loud, brash 'look at me volunteering and climbing a mountain for charity and organising a community event' world.

So I wrote a list.  I love a list. Because whatever the world or your mind or your circumstance is telling you, you are not useless.  You can offer so much, even seemingly simple things can make a world of difference - trust me, I'm a charity worker.

1.       Give to a food bank

They are all over the place, and all you need to do is look in your kitchen or buy a few extras (non perishable and in date goods) then drop them off.  You're meeting a very urgent need.  If you're feeling up to it you could even volunteer to help pack the boxes? 

2.       Smile at shop assistants

Not as easy as it sounds when you're itching to get out of there, exhausted simply by being in a shop.  But it is a really straightforward free way to spread a little cheer.  The more you smile, the more others will smile, and then you'll smile genuinely and something warm and fuzzy will enter your brain for a while (that's some science right there for you)

3.       Pay for a stranger’s coffee or road toll

It's a classic random act of kindness and totally overwhelmingly brilliant when you're on the receiving end.  If you're going for the drink option but you're feeling shy how about giving the cashier the price of a coffee and telling them to use for whoever orders one next.  Then you can run away feeling lovely.

4.       Write a thank you letter

Or facebook message, whatever medium you fancy.  But letters are totally retro cool and everyone enjoys post.  It doesn't matter what kind of thing you're grateful for or how much you say.  People don't say thank you enough.

5.       Compliment a stranger

On a few occasions someone has stopped me in the street or made a comment when coming out of a public bathroom about how much they love my shoes or dress.  Once someone came over to tell me I had excellent shoulders.  Without fail I have smiled and my mood has been lifted.  And I am quite pleased with my shoulders.

6.       Pick up someone else’s rubbish

Simple and sacrificial.  I had a long think about whether this should include other people's dog's poop.  It doesn't.  It shouldn't.

7.       Deliver a meal to someone who might appreciate it

Do you know someone who's just had a baby or an operation (or both)?  Or who's had a rough or busy time (or both)?  Whip up something or buy a bag of shopping and take it round.  If you're shaky you can leave it on the doorstep with a note.  Maybe ring the doorbell and jump behind a car and watch...?  Maybe not.

David Tenant on JustGiving

8.       Donate to a stranger’s Just Giving page

I've badgered my contacts many a time for sponsorship and believe me, even a pound is encouraging.  And the anonymous donations are special for some reason.

9.       Send an anonymous card of encouragement

Make or buy a card and put a simple quote or your own words telling someone they are doing ok.  Regardless of our situation, I think most of us need to hear it.

10.   Leave chocolates on someone’s doorstep

Oh I do love anonymous kindness and there is no way you won't make someone's day.  (Out of the sun, people, out of the sun.)

11.   Read the news

Sounds like a tangent but looking outwards, engaging in things which have no direct link to you, and caring about people you've never met, makes you a better person.  

12.   Offer to take a friend’s cardboard to the tip

Here at least, cardboard doesn't get collected and the recycling centre is a little drive away.  Saving someone that job is a such a help, and cuts down car journeys too.

13.   Take someone in public service a drink or snack

I think many of us can remember a time when we feel unappreciated... how about taking a box of chocolates to the council offices, offering the parking enforcement officer a coffee or sending the fire brigade a thank you card?

14.   Make a mixed tape for someone

A project is a most useful thing for starters.  But spending time thinking about what someone else would like is a great antidote to feeling sorry for yourself.  You can theme it: 'songs to drive to' or 'songs to let off steam after a long day at work'.  

15.   Buy a Big Issue

Self explanatory I should hope.

16.   Clean out your wardrobe and donate to a charity shop

Several birds with one stone.  Don't live with clutter, have a refresh and do a good deed.  And no birds will actually be harmed so a winner all round.  

17.   Become an organ donor

If you haven't already, please think about it (and you can do it without talking to anyone here).  Same with giving blood, you could save a life no less.  How are them 'I'm useless' voices doing now ay!?

18.   Leave some nice thoughts in public places and library books

If you're feeling crafty, or can write or use a printer... you could leave lovely messages or quotes for the general public to absorb and be encouraged by. (Keep it legal, natch). I love some positive inspiration when I'm in a public loo. 

19.   Do a bit of sofa campaigning

Avaaz

Be part of something bigger than yourself whenever you can and do your bit.  Lots of charities have petitions and actions to take, you can also start here: http://www.avaaz.org/en/  and https://www.change.org/en-GB

20.    I couldn't think of a 20th one but couldn't bring myself to stop at 19.  Too untidy.

So that's my list.  Easy to write, easier to read, potentially tricky to take on.  Whatever we each struggle with I know for a fact we can reach beyond our own situations.  And don't do yourself down when your friend is raising thousands for a marathon (they're downright mad for starters) while you put your name on a petition from your bed.  

Stop competing with everyone else.

Let's get on with doing what can, there is no such thing as a 'little' act of kindness.  You are not only useful, you are important and powerful, honestly.  Yes, YOU.

And if anyone thinks of a number 20 let me know.