I should be cleaning the house...

... as it's Christmas eve tomorrow and don't want to come back from seeing family to a mucky home. And yet, I'm sitting writing emails and watching TV while feeling a bit sleepy.

I have to confess that beyond practical arrangements, family logistics and some impressive forward planning in the present department, I've let Christmas go over my head a little.
Is it just me, or is it that because Christmas happens on a regular basis and is just one of those things you know about, it never really occurs to give it a fresh look instead focusing on the messages of hope, peace and new beginnings. Bit of a cop out?


This year has been a time of honesty and the beginning of an awakening for me. I'm tired, and I want to curl up and eat too much. I could try and focus on all of the lovely themes of Christmas, but the way I'm feeling now means I really don't think it would be all that authentic. The choice is this: coast for another Christmas and survive out the year, or rid myself of any falseness and decide to be deliberate in all I do... and feel.

Christmas is also about light shining in a dark world. I think I'll try my best to have a mental tidy up over the next few days, shine a light into the dark areas of my mind, take a fresh look at this Christmas lark and come back to a new start. I'm going to go and clean the house too.

Merry Christmas x

When I grow up

It's funny how there are occasional themes to a week.

At a Nightchurch meeting last week we shared in an exercise from Brian McClaren's book 'Finding Our Way Again'. The idea is simple, in the context of thinking about your character - fill in this sentence for 1) a day ago 2) a year ago and 3) ten years ago;
'I am more ..... than [time frame] and less .....'

Next, what would you like your character to be in ten years?

Finally, what kind of trajectory are you on, and what can you do to make sure you're on the way to being who you want to be?

I decided I want to be confident in ten years, and to get there I need to not let my insecurities hold me back. This sparked a conversation about what confidence truly is and whether that's what I meant... but that's for another time.

At a work team meeting yesterday we reflected on the stages of life and which characteristics infancy, adolescence and adulthood all have. The final question was 'what do you want to be when you grow up?'

My answer was 'effective, I want to change the world and be effective in what ever part I have to play.'

There was a moment of quiet and I thought back to the theme that had emerged over these seven days. I realised I'd not given the most real answers and a far more honest one kept popping into my head.

When I grow up, I want to be whole.

What's my trajectory to that?! What can I do to help me achieve it!? I'm not sure I even know what it really means... but it seems like a destination worth journeying towards.

I'll keep you posted.

When your body says no more...

... it gives in to a cold.

I'm not the type of person who takes time off work with a cold, but I am very empathetic when others have one because the fuzzy yukkiness of a cold is truly awful! I have a mild cold right now, mainly through exhaustion but now I come to think of it I've been surrounded by ailing folk for weeks now so I suppose the inevitable has simply hit.

Something as inconsequential as a cold can really take the wind out of you - you suddenly wonder how you ever took breathing through your nose for granted or if it's always been so hard to listen to people talking to you... you ponder if you'll ever taste again or how if you'll live your life feeling like your head weighs the same as a house. It's all a bit pathetic really.

But actually, not at all long after a cold has cleared, you've forgotten it was even there and everything is 'normal' again. Hurrah.






It's been over 3 months since I returned from Uganda.

I run a campaign based on my experiences in India which encourages a symbolic act as a reminder of the state of the world.

I just went to the fridge and whinged I had no food.

Right.

It's easy to rant about the world (particularly when it's a big part of your job), it's even easy to really mean it when you do. But taking the attitude and making it stick, taking the pledge to be counter-cultural and letting it seep into your lifestyle, not feeling sorry for yourself when you have a lapse of perspective... that takes time, and will power.

So keep me in check please.

A Quote

"Christian Aid is not a colonial arm of the church, saying "We have the resources and we'll export them". Rather it says, "We believe the Holy Spirit has given gifts and sensitivities to all people and we will enable [them] to improve the life of their own nations"
John L Bell, The Iona Community