by Richard McAdam, written for Thursdays in Black and borrowed here because I thought it was quite good.
Gentlemen.
Is for you the word 'feminism' burdened with negative connotations? Does it foster in your manly breast prejudice and resentment, and elicit little more from you than a cocky rolling of the eyes and the arching of an insouciant brow? Does it conjure up images of angry, shrill lesbians daring to express outrage at invisible injustices? Then let me, as one man to another, prescribe the following course of action: through rigorous self-examination, self-education and self-flagellation, you resolve to STOP BEING AN IDIOT, and with the aid of some sort of neuro-linguistic programming adopt a deep and irrefutable notion that the above reactions to the f-word are clear and present symptoms of your BEING AN IDIOT. YOU IDIOT.
What this does not mean: adopting 'feminist' views as a means-to-an-end, paying lip service in order to get some 'lip service' ifyouknowwhatImean. (I mean kissing). It does not mean merely affecting outrage at the objectification or oppression of women when you are not possessed of any true and tangible notion of what that actually means, on any real and visceral level. It does not mean insisting on workplace equality and settling for that as being the only kind of equality that is important. It does NOT mean spouting hollow homilies on the strength and individuality of women or the beauty of the female form whilst at the same time clinging to an idea of them as possessions, convenient accessories for your ego. Don't kid yourself that the men who inflict the horrific physical and emotional violence in the stories from distant lands are some sort of different species, 'monsters' completely alien to your idea of yourself. We might not all necessarily be nurturing the capacity for that sort of cruelty; but that sort of cruelty has been born of these sorts of attitudes.
Why does it not mean these things? Because, ultimately, it's you, as a man, being oppressed; it's you, as a man, suffering the inequality and the prejudice. Not as a result of some numinous notion of human 'togetherness', but because this attitude directly diminishes you. You are a victim of your own discrimination, because what you excise when you decide that you will view women as anything other than equal is a fundamental function of your self. And no, you are not destroying your 'feminine spirit' – you are destroying your 'masculine spirit'. You just need to adjust your idea of what 'masculine' means.
Let me offer you up a contemporary role model: the motion-picture actor Ryan Gosling. Here at Mr. Hugo Schwyzer's blog (a site I'd recommend you delve deep into as part of your self-education), Mr. Schwyzer suggests Mr. Gosling's characterisations as presenting 'a new kind of masculine ideal', because 'he plays flawed and complex men whose tender decency is always at war with his compulsions and his rage,' and not 'overgrown boys'.
The skills needed to fight that war, and to achieve the goals of altering/enhancing/maintain your attitudes toward women are conveniently concomitant with the skills required to be fulfilled and happy. (Or the act of striving to cultivate those skills is in itself fulfillment and happiness, probably, or something.) They are the skills that will, ultimately, make the world a better place. Responsibility, kindness, maturity, and a balance of stoicism and sensitivity. These shall be your goals and your rewards.
Also, girls will like you more, you idiots.
