I don't care like I used to

As I've been blogging a bit more recently, I have found myself wincing as I see the title and description on my page.  When I started this blog a few years ago I was full of fire.  I wrote of my travels and opinions, shared the punchlines of my talks and sermons and spouted forth my idealistic belief that the world would change and I could be part of it.  I've never wanted to be a famous activist or thought for a second it was down to me.  I simply saw the world and its inequality and had to say something.  Not acting wasn't a choice.  And trying to share the possibilities of transformation was the easiest thing I could do (most of the time).  I was one of life's driven people.

I started working in development early and the feedback I received inevitably included reflections on my passion.  There were the more mature folk who wished they were young again, as though it was inevitable that the dynamism fades with age.  I was encouraged not to lose it.  And I honestly thought I never would.

There are two streams of thought mooching about my mind.

First off, the clouds' most cruel trick is to rain so hard on the flames of 'caring about stuff'.  Forget inspiration and excitement, now it's difficult to dredge up the energy to be bothered about the most basic things.  It's heartbreaking. To have no motivation is bad enough, but to value yourself so little you don't seem worth looking after and lose the part of you that made you who you were is ... devastating.

I can log that under illness and deal with it as it comes.  In your face clouds.

However, it seems that growing older does mean you face a crossroads in caring.  As life and responsibility change priorities shift, that's inevitable.  I think you also face a choice though - 'that's the way the world is, get on with it and make the most of it' or 'the world can change but it's really complicated and unpopular to keep going on about it so I need to be sensible and relevant.'

I hope I can keep choosing the second option.  That said I am wondering whether the nature of being driven is something that changes anyway.  It's not like I don't care, I do.  The nature of my response is what has shifted.  From impulsive emotional charge and urgent ranting at the state of the world, in my lucid healthy seasons I'm experiencing passion in a new way.  Fortunately I don't feel like I have to work all hours of the day to be worthy, or to make sure I don't feel guilty for standing by while others suffer.  Thank you age for that one.

Instead of my heart impulsively shouting, it's like my soul is aching and my caring has crept into my deeper experiences.  And that means that I feel a lot of despair that the statistics aren't changing and the world simply isn't listening to the cries of so many.

It means I see the faces of those I've met in Africa in the faces of those struggling on my own doorstep.  It means I am so so angry at establishments who focus so much on surviving they forget their responsibility.  It means I have to choose regularly to be one of the unpopular folk who won't let go of the idea that life can be better for the majority.  I'm no longer driven by something that has conveniently given me my purpose.  I'm driven by the knowledge that I've seen too much to let go of hope.

My passion is coloured with feeling so useless sometimes and so it becomes stubborn determination.  My passion is angry a lot more than it used to be, it unashamedly begs and it lacks gloss.

I still got complimented on my passion this weekend.

Phew.

I couldn't say it better...

This is the PowerPoint I used today having spoken at Brentwood Baptist Church, the church from whence I came...

Click here (will take you away from this page, do come back...!)

Wear black tomorrow to stand in solidarity

I’ve had the privilege of meeting some incredible people around the world, particularly in India and Uganda who have become the inspiration for an idea called Thursdays in Black. Gender inequality is one of the key factors hindering the eradication of poverty and there are people working in this area across the world who wear black on a Thursday as a personal protest and stand of solidarity, and I wanted to be one of them. This idea grew into an initiative which is fast becoming a movement of people from all backgrounds wanting to stand with those affected by injustice and effectively bringing about change to the structures and systems which favour some over others on the basis of gender.
I want to put the conversation on the table – the world is unfair. Men and women can work together to end the inequality between them, and then we can start to end poverty.

I don’t think it’s enough to have a campaign message though. Any campaign with such high hopes has to be shot through with integrity. That’s why for Thursdays in Black it’s as much about our ethos as it is about the message.
We want to stand out not just because of the cause but because of the way we operate – we will be ethical, transparent, eco friendly and deliberately un-glossy.

I probably sound a bit idealistic – I am. I have to be… the world needs some ideals to live up to, an un-cynical dream to grasp, and I just thought it was worth giving it a go.
We will be outspoken for the sake of those who are silenced. We will be outraged alongside those who are oppressed. We will be different because it’s about time.
Only with these high standards can we begin to be effective and most importantly be true to those inspiring women we represent.

Yes, I asked about gender equality

It's been refeshing to talk to some of the girls and women about their views on gender, and also to observe myself some of the complex relationships found here.

I am told in no uncertain terms that education is the key, and that women can do as much as men if they work hard. When it comes to marriage, I was surprised to hear the girls (ages 16-19) explain they want to finish their education before finding a husband that will share with them and understand them, and that they would probably wait until their late twenties. I think I may have met some of the new generation of African women, empowered and influenced by the Western world with positive and negative consequences - which they themselves explained to me. We went on to discuss what was hard about living in Uganda - the poverty and corruption and what they would do about it.



Here's hoping I have just met members of the future Ugandan government.

Tricky business

Do politics and faith mix? Faith based organisations like Christian Aid come in for a lot of stick for our campaigning and political work. We have the ear of the government on issues like Climate Change and International Trade Rules. But shouldn't we just stick to raising money, and maybe a bit of prayer?

The God I believe in has a heart for the poor that hasn't changed. The Christianity I subsribe to teaches that no one is disposable to God. Christian Aid's gospel driven work is led by the belief that everyone deserves a future, refusing to be compromised by the world's complacency about poverty. Everything Christian Aid does come back to the responsibility laid by God at our feet, and the mandate to care for the vulnerable and speak up for the silenced.

Just as Jesus ministered outside accepted social barriers, healing people regardless of their beleifs - we are unafraid to get involved in complicated places. And while responding to people in need is vital, we believe that God does not want the world to be this way, so we campaign to change the underlying structures that make and keep people poor. It means challenging the people who have the power to change things, not trying to hide anger when the poor are exploited and pushing forward the values of justice, peace and love to change the world's values.

Becoming involved in politics helped people like William Wilberforce bring an end to slavery 200 years ago. It enabled campaigners to persuade rich governments to cancel the criplling debt if some of the world's poorest countries in the run up to the millennium. And so it is exactly because we are people of faith that we must continue to speak out.

The truth about women

Did you know that on average women use 20,000 words a day while men only use 7,000?

Here are some more gender facts for you:
Every year, more than 530,000 women die from pregnancy-related causes. That's one every minute. If this continues at the current rate another 4 million women will die in the next 6 years.
Women do 66% of the world's work and get paid less than 10% of its income, in Africa it's 80% of the work.
In the UK, women working full-time are paid on average 17% less an hour than men.
75% of all Russian women suffer from some type of violence within the family.
And of the 1.3 billion people living in poverty around the world, 70% are women.

Kofi Annan said that 'Gender equality is critical to the development and peace of every nation.'

And that's what Christian Aid partners and beneficiaries believe too. We work with communities, campaigners and educators to change the attitudes and structures which keep women downtrodden around the world. An inspiring female Indian leader once said 'Educate your women and the nation will take care of itself... the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.' And if we are serious about making a fairer world for all, then we have to challenge the inequality in our own communities too.

We may use more words than men, but the majority of women around the world still need their voices to be heard.

More than a fashion choice

Across the UK, people from all walks of life will make a stand against gender-based discrimination and violence worldwide simply by choosing to wear black on Thursday 25^th June.

Of the 1.3 billion people living in poverty around the world, 70% are women

Ever since I visited India last year to meet partner organisations and beneficiaries of the work of Christian Aid, I have worn black on Thursdays along with the thousands of people – men and women – across the world who want to stand alongside those who have suffered from gender-based violence or injustice and those who are fighting for a fairer world for all.

Women do two-thirds of the world’s work and get paid less than 10% of its income

Now we are launching a Thursday in Black day encouraging everyone who wants to be part of this solidarity movement simply to wear black on Thursday 25^th June 2009.

More than half of women in the world over the age of 15 cannot read or write

If you want to take it further you can join the movement by visiting www.thursdaysinblack.ning.com , joining our Facebook group, following us on Twitter or just by commenting on my blog!

Violence causes more death and disability worldwide amongst women

aged 15 – 44 than war, cancer, malaria or traffic accidents.

If you want to give money to Christian Aid who are working around the world for justice and equality you can donate using our ‘Living Costs’ card as a help, available by emailing me or from the Facebook and ning sites.

‘Gender equality is critical to the development and peace of every nation.’ (Kofi Annan)

Thursdays in Black is an international campaign that has historically united people who believe in the fundamental importance of respecting all human life without discrimination. As a human rights campaign, it was started by the World Council of Churches during the 1980s as a peaceful protest against rape and violence - the by-products of war and conflict. The campaign today focuses on ways that individuals can challenge attitudes that cause discrimination, inequality and violence.

Please spread the word, make a stand against a world that will allow the human rights of women to be abused and threatened, and become part of a worldwide movement which enables outrage - and love - to be transformed into action.