Packing up my past

I've read a number of blogs started by people as part of the discernment/training process.  At first I did actually start a separate blog to record these moments for prosperity, partly to indicate a separate part of my life and mostly to have a clean slate on which to write.

But quickly I realised that I needed to chronicle this ordination lark on this here blog.  This blog that has seen me declare a war on global poverty with youthful vigour and fall apart in the darkness of depression.

A while ago when I was having a wobble about whether I was a good fit for a vicar collar, I re read posts from a couple of years ago that I'd not read since hitting 'publish'.

Firstly, sorry everyone, bit intense there for a while...

It's peculiar (and narcissistic) to peep back in time and watch yourself struggle.  But it reassured me that if I can get from there to here, I might just have the resources to go back and forth and wherever else life takes me.  I expected to feel embarrassed but alongside the bemusement I felt a little sense of peace.  The dark didn't overwhelm me, the clouds didn't stay.

I need to continue writing here because whilst it may be a new chapter, it is a continuation of the story.  It hasn't happened apart from the struggles, triumphs and attempts at wisdom that have come before.  It has been borne out of those experiences and I can no more delete the blog posts from the internet than remove times that have shaped and bruised, challenged and humbled me.

Just because I'm geographically moving and changing career doesn't mean I am leaving a thing behind whether I want to or not.  And that's probably just as well.