I'm a sucker for markers and I'm feeling profound on this, the last day of my twenties. Not in the slightest bit concerned about age, but with a chapter closed and new one to be marked. I'm trying to avoid holding myself to a set of expectations, to what security and achievements I might have hoped to be celebrating today.
I'm desperately holding to the idea that being unsettled is a gift, that growing in my honest brokenness is to be embraced and that life is found in the falling and failing as much as in the surges of success.
Don't get me wrong, I could make a list of things I'm really proud I've done, moments I treasure and experiences I feel incredibly fortunate to have behind me. But I guess I find it difficult at this unsure point in time to not wish I had a little more to take with me as the page turns.
Anyway, a year ago I made a list of things to do before I turned 30. Some people don't need or like these kinds of things but it has encouraged me to steer around some of the 'I meant to do that', 'I would have like to do that', 'I wish I had done that' excuses that I want so deeply to avoid.
On one hand I take massive risks, can be impulsive and make things happen. On the other, I find it too easy to back away from the uncomfortable, procrastinate and am cautious about taking and making opportunities. Sometimes I need one half of me to hold the other in check.
I'm glad I did the list, and I will miss it. I hope I can keep the spirit of ticking things off in my mind, that I can be deliberate about living.
30 Things To Do Before I'm 30
1. Bodyboard: Done. And surfing (nearly)
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| Look, I made bread. |
2. Make real pasta: Done, but fairly inedible. Turns out I enjoy making bread though, so that's one carb I may conquer.
3. Try sushi: Done, not too fussed about it.
4. Wax legs: One of those things that really is as painful the first time as you expect. Tick.
5. Cycle to Exeter: And some...
6. Pay for a strangers' coffee: This made me more anxious than it probably should have done, I was worried about someone turning me down or catching me at the door to call me a weirdo as I tried to leave with some subtlety. In the end I gave a cafe £5 and asked them to take it off the bill of the next person who paid for something. It felt nice but certainly more uncomfortable than it should have done...
7. Read five novels: done
8. Go to the dentist: Now see, I have a bit of a phobia and I have put this off hugely (for about 8 years). I got a registration form twice and genuinely lost it... but finally have an initial appointment next week. I am 87% sure I'll get there.
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| These two 'helped' with the list... |
9. Sail independently: Unfortunately I didn't even get on the water this year. This is the kind of thing that strongly depends on other people and the ducks didn't align... This summer, for sure.
10. Sew a cushion cover and 11. Sew a bag: I did attempt this a couple of times over the year but my sewing machine needs a more experienced eye to make it behave properly. However this week my mum and I sat down and cut out the bag, and tomorrow I'm taking my machine for her to fix and a bag and cover we shall make. I don't really have the patience for fiddly things and struggle with precision on anything other than a computer... but I'd love to be a confident sewer. This is a good step.
12. Blow up a balloon without crying: Shut up.
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| 300 miles DONE |
13. Clear out DVDs and misc nonsense: Done.
14: Have a dinner party: Some friends old and new came together and put up with my weird concoctions. At a point I was feeling quite reclusive I was glad this was on my list to encourage me to reach out. And no one got ill.
15. Make a cake: Beetroot and Chocolate. Boom.
16. Do a cycle challenge: Have I not mentioned this recently?
17. Watch all of West Wing: I got into Netflix and watched a fair amount of other top notch drama.
18. Paint a picture: Done, and no I'm not showing you.
19. Buy some jeans that fit: Complicated one; thanks to the cycling my body shape changed a lot so I have had jeans that have both fitted and not throughout the year. Exciting stuff.
20. Climb Snowdon: Left it too late and decided it was unwise in Jan or Feb. Another one for this summer though.
21. Send an anonymous gift: Done.
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| Rugger with Pa |
22. Create the book of my life so far: This was to encourage me to scan in all our family albums, which I have done. Good thing I had the deadline as it pushed me to keep going, our photos are very precious and I shall be making lots of photobox gifts for a long time to come as well as my own 30 Years Smilebox.
23. See Arsenal play: Not on my salary. But watched a game on TV.
24: See Exeter Chiefs play: Done, against London Irish (who lost) with my dad. Good times.
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| Upcycletastic |
25. Go to a music concert: I did, with my brother. Baka Beyond, world music. Cultured.
26. See a comedian live: Several, in Dublin with my bestie.
27. Upcycle a piece of furniture: Loved this one, if I had space I'd have upcycled my hear out all year.
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| Buried treasure |
28: Swim in the sea: Done, in the South China Sea.
29. Bury some treasure: Done, no I'm not telling where.
30. Watch the top ten movies ever: There are a few that I should have seen and clearly it's objective so having consulted 'the internet' I have now seen: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pulp Fiction, The English Patient, Reservoir Dogs, Schindler's List, Rain Man, Annie Hall, The Dark Knight, Talented Mr Ripley, Erin Brockovich.
So that's it - 21 Ticked off and 5 pending/gave myself a half point.
Now, what to do with the next 30 years...?
